


This Summer (I Might Have Drowned)

by PuzzleBot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Disabled Lapis, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, Happy Ending, Human AU, Light Angst, Major Character Injury, disabled peridot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 13:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20976623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuzzleBot/pseuds/PuzzleBot
Summary: Lapis Lazuli lives at the Rose Garden Retreat, one of the new kids. She's settled in well enough, but finds more solace by the ocean than with most people. When the ocean turns on her, she has to learn how to open up to the comfort of her new family as she adjusts to a new way of life.---Commissioned by @wombatking on Tumblr





	1. A New Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Just a brief disclaimer that I am not physically disabled; none of what's written here is from personal experience! I've done my best to research and find points of view so I'm writing this well, but if there's any issues with anything I've written in regards to disability, please let me know!

Her new room is really  _ weird _ .

In her old room, upstairs, the blinds had been broken. Ruby kept saying she’d get about to fixing it, but something was always breaking around here, and some of the other kids were far less patient than her. The point being, the sun rose perfectly in that window, waking her early to feel its warmth on her bare arms and  _ entirely eliminating _ the need for an alarm that would wake everyone else up. That way, Lapis had the mornings to herself. Well, save for Sapphire in the office at the crack of dawn, maybe Garnet singing to herself if she was around. But they were nice, and got that she needed time to herself, especially in a house as busy as the Rose Garden Retreat.

When the sun woke her, she’d pad downstairs, find something for breakfast, then go watch the sunrise on the shore. The way the sun burned its way into the sky, making the ocean sparkle like a field of crystals… It enchanted Lapis, always had, for each of the fifteen years she’d been alive. She can still remember her first day at this home, when she was flighty and still on edge. She’d run from the house, down the path, and found herself staring at the infinite ocean. That was what had decided it--that feeling that the ocean was more her home than any house would ever be.

Sapphy didn’t  _ like _ her going alone, but she hadn’t stopped her, as long as she stayed in sight of the house. It was nice, and that’s all it needed to be.

But--as the alarm clock blaring right next to her now reminds her--the time of ‘nice’ is over.

In the hospital, she’d been in too much of a daze to realise exactly how much she was missing. The stark white and violently boring beige of the private ward had been their own kind of sun, those merging--like oil on water--with her impossible whirlpools of worries to keep her awake until midnight and wake her with a start throughout the snatches of sleep she could grasp. She’d drifted in and out of rest, with nothing else to do when no one was visiting, except listen to reruns of whatever was on a TV she couldn’t even keep her eyes on. She was  _ sick  _ of the Little Butler theme song, that was certain.

At least the alarm in this room is better than that.

Reluctantly, Lapis forces open her eyes to stare up at the ceiling of her new room. Somewhere overhead, there’s a massive  _ THUMP  _ that sends dust spiraling down from the cracked plaster, followed by a chorus of laughter--Amethyst, the house’s resident troublemaker, up to her normal tricks, probably. Being on the bottom floor of the house is  _ weird _ , too.

The alarm clock continues to blare, and for the tenth time in as many mornings, she forgets she can’t move to turn it off. A phantom feeling of her arm raising to slap it onto the floor echoes through her body, but the incessant beeping continues to drill into her skull.

With a heavy head, she manages a twitch, then a quick nudge to adjust the position of her pillows. At least this way she can glare at the object of her annoyance. 9AM, and she’s stuck in bed, listening to the house starting to buzz to life around her. By 9AM, she should be dressed, she should be swimming laps in the pool down the road with Ruby cheering her on at the side.

But she’s in bed.

Not in a pool.

Never in a pool again.

“Hey, Lapis!” A sharp voice cuts through the  _ bzzt-bzzt _ of the alarm, and then a pale hand hoves into her vision, cutting off her staring contest with the clock to finally end the ceaseless beeps.

“Ah, my saviour,” Lapis mumbles out, her mouth as dry as her tone as she follows the line of the arm up to see Peridot grinning down at her--much the paragon of positivity as she’d ever been, “Morning, Peri.”

Her girlfriend waves, then gestures out of her line of site, “I made you breakfast...?”

In that single moment, the dark clouds that have begun to swarm Lapis seem to lighten for a moment, and her heart softens. She watches as Peridot bustles around, moving away to open the curtains and push open the window beyond it as she talks.

“You know how  _ hard _ it is to make smoothies?” Complains the younger of the two, content to fill the silence that Lapis leaves with her idle thoughts, “I had to try like a  _ million _ times, at  _ least! _ The first time it nearly got jammed, ‘cause it can’t make apples smooth apparently? And then Ruby came out to try and fix it and it nearly  _ broke _ ‘cause she kept hitting it. She said something about--uh--percussive maintenance? But I dunno what that is. I’m surprised she didn’t wake  _ everyone _ . But then? Greg came over and said he was taking Steven out for the day, to Empire City? And he fixed the blender while he waited for Steven to get ready. Then I found out that the blender has a  _ boost _ function, and that changed everything…!”

Laughter bubbles in Lapis’ chest, filling her with light for a blissful morning as Peridot continues to ramble on about everything and nothing.

“Peri,” she calls at last, when the blonde gets carried away arranging new flowers (“ _ freshly ripped up from outside! _ ”) in the vase on the bedside table, “Peri, help me sit up?”

“Oh,” Peridot glances over, and an awkward smile crosses her face, “Sorry!”

Jumping to action, she carefully starts to stack pillows behind Lapis on the bed, just like the doctors showed them all, and hops onto the bed, unevenly balanced, to try and move Lapis into a sitting position.

“You’re  _ heavy _ ,” she huffs, struggling against her own muscles to manoeuvre the leaner of the two upwards. With one last heave, she finally props her girlfriend up, cackling triumphantly as she almost tumbles backwards off of the bed.

In the late morning light, with Peridot buzzing around like a bee hopped up on sugar, Lapis can almost kid herself that she’s just taking a day off. And that’s  _ nice _ , she supposes. But the fog still lingers in the back of her mind, especially now that she's sat up, and she can catch her reflection in the mirror to the side of the room. The bandages are off now, but the neat lines of stitches in her forehead still stand out, raw scars against her rich skin, and reminders of a summer day gone so horribly wrong.

As Peridot helps her eat breakfast, turning on the TV that Greg wheeled into the room, Lapis’ mind is elsewhere, reflecting on the snatches of memory she has of the incident, and her current situation. Peridot, bless her heart, isn’t quick to catch onto her girlfriend’s silence, still talking as if the silence is the worst thing for Lapis right now. And perhaps it is. Perhaps without the background noise of her girlfriend’s voice, she’d be even further retreated into her own mind. That would err on unbearable in her current state. Before this all, her mind was a sanctuary--an endless ocean of bliss where she could retreat in times of fear and strife. But now all it is is an empty cavern, echoing her worries back at her at a volume she can barely stand. Peri’s words take the edge off.

“What if I never get back in the water again, Peri?”

The question falls from her lips like a stone, always fated to sink and disturb the calm lake.

Peridot puts down what’s left of the smoothie, her smile faltering as she sets the tray of fruits and toast aside to squirm into the small bed next to Lapis.

“I mean… You will though, right?” She says simply, resting her head on Lapis’ side and looking up at her curiously, “You’re  _ Lapis _ . You’re the swimmer! You can’t just  _ never _ be in water again! That’d be stupid!”

In an instant, Lapis’ face is wracked with pain, and she can’t help but let out a dry sob, hiccupping and scrunching her eyes closed, as if to stop any tears from welling up.

“Of  _ course _ that’d be stupid, Peri. That’s the point!” Lapis wants nothing more than to stamp her foot in frustration, but even that pleasure has been taken from her. She settles for shaking her head hard, her already flyaway hair tumbling out of its bun to sit haphazardly on her shoulders, “But if I get back in that water, who’s to say it won’t happen again? Who’s to say I won’t be able to regain movement of my  _ stupid _ arms and my  _ stupid _ legs and I’ll just be  _ stuck _ like this!”

The sudden display of upset and frustration strikes true with Peridot, and she glances down at where their legs knock together under the patchwork blanket--her brightly decorated prosthetics resting against Lapis’ paralysed legs, chipped nail polish and old scars galore.

For a moment, all she can say is ,”Oh.”

Then, she regathers herself, and turns her pout of concern into a grin.

“I’ll be right back. Give me, like, an  _ hour _ tops. I have to do some  _ research _ ,” Peridot’s eyes flash with a spark of inspiration, and she pushes herself out of the bed with all the grace of a baby giraffe, “Yell for me if Camp Pining Hearts comes on, I wanna watch it with you!”

“I- I, uh…? Sure?”

And just like that, Peridot’s energy fades from the room, returning Lapis to the unique loneliness that comes from knowing there are people just feet away. She leans back as well as she can onto the stack of pillows behind her, returning to her silent vigil of the ceiling, as if it might distract her.

* * *

Time passes differently in solitude. What feels like an hour to Lapis can only have been ten minutes in actual time. But as second after second stretches on, she swears she’s come unstuck from regular time. Maybe that would be fun. Floating, for once, in a tide that can’t hurt her.

For a while, the solitude is nice. She’s used to imagining herself in better situations. This is no different. But even Lapis can only bare it so long. Still…

She brings herself back out of her half slumber to hear someone rapping at the door with precise, intent knocks. Pearl.

“What is it?” She mutters, just loud enough to be heard over the still blaring television.

“Lapis, honey, do you want company? I’ve just finished my cleaning, and I have some time…!” The earnest, mournful tones of Pearl’s voice carry through the thin door, and Lapis can’t help but flare up with annoyance. It’s probably misplaced, but the  _ pity  _ in her voice is just  _ infuriating _ .

“I’m fine.”

Self imposed solitude is better. This way, she can say she chose this. Reclaim her loneliness like she’s done on the beach for as many years as she can remember. Cut everyone else off before something cuts them off for you.

“Well, are you  _ sure _ ?” Pearl’s tones cut through again, and the annoyance starts to simmer into anger.

  
“I said I’m  _ fine _ !” She snaps, focusing all her attention on the TV now, trying to unweave the heavy thread of anger now winding through her, “Unless you’re Peri, just  _ go away _ !”

The darkness clouding her head seems to like when she does that. If it gets it off her mind for a bit… So be it. Behind the door, she can hear Pearl’s footsteps retreating, soft conversation that she can’t make out the words of. They’re talking about her, of course. Peri will tell her what’s going on later though, probably.

She turns back to the TV, anger and boredom laying their claim on her chest as she lets her mind wander away once more to the million  _ what ifs _ that rest in her future.

* * *

This time, the rest of the hour passes with expediency. And--as if she’d been planning it--Peridot returns exactly as the minute changes. She stumbles in without knocking, sentences tumbling disorganised into the room as she heaves a pile of papers almost taller than herself onto the bed.

“I found a local disabled swim team!” She proclaims, frantically cleaning and adjusting her oversized glasses as she looks up at Lapis, pride practically visible about her form, “You wanna go see some of them in action?”

“What- What do you  _ mean _ , Peridot? I can’t join a swim team; I can barely-”

“You don’t have to join!” Peridot cuts Lapis off, her enthusiasm more than enough to stave off the negativity once again, “You can just go and watch, see how you feel? And I’ll be there, too! And ‘cause it’s far away, Greg will drive you! Turns out he went to get his van made wheelchair safe!”

“I mean, it’s nice and all, but-”

  
“But what, Lazuli? You can’t stay in this room for the rest of your  _ life _ !” Peridot now gestures to the wheelchair in the corner that Lapis has been stoutly refusing to acknowledge, “Even if we don’t go to the pool today, we should at least get outside, right? We could… Go get doughnuts? Go with me this time,  _ please _ ?”   


  
Peridot pauses in her almost manic attempts to encourage Lapis outside, and scoots up close to the other young girl, smiling in the same way she’s always smiled to convince her to do something.

“ _ Please _ ?” She wheedles, brushing her mess of a fringe out of the way to make proper eye contact with her for the first time in the day.

Lapis tries to resist, but ever since she met the other girl, her heart had had a soft spot growing for her.

“Fine. Let’s go get doughnuts. Then we’ll see about the swim team. You… said there was a meet today?”

“Yeah, they meet  _ every _ day, that’s what’s so great about them! Now, stay there! I’m gonna go get Amethyst so we can get you into your chair!”

  
With that, Peridot dashes back out of the room, and Lapis lets out a fond sigh. ‘Stay there’? Where does Peri even think she’s going to  _ go _ ? She’s so funny sometimes. It’s not like she’s said it, but Lapis loves that most about the other girl. She’s missed the sun since the accident. It’s beyond refreshing to have someone who can bring it into her room, regardless of the weather.


	2. Salt and Chlorine

The sun shines overhead with all the heat of those final snatches of summer break as the group parade across the sand, picnic baskets in hand. Steven bounds ahead, tussling with Amethyst over the checked blanket, whilst Garnet strides with confidence over the sand, her fingers idly tracing the aged lines of the cliff. Behind them, Ruby is speaking at a mile a minute to the kid that turned up on the same day as Lapis. Jasper, she thinks her name is? But she isn’t sure. They spoke for a bit, but neither of them was exactly made for conversation.

Still, no need to wonder about her. Instead, Lapis turns her attention to Peridot. The two of them are a few steps behind the rest of the group, fingers entwined and walking leisurely down the sand-dusted path towards the shore.

“You’re sure you’re okay with holding hands?” Peridot checks for the third time since they left the house. She pulls away her hand to wipe off some of the sweat before Lapis lets out a chiming laugh and almost snatches it back.

“I’m  _ happy _ to, Peri. It’s not like anyone here’s gonna laugh at us,” she assures, fondly bumping her new girlfriend’s hip before gesturing to the wide blue expanse, “Are you coming swimming?”

“Ehh,” Peridot grimaces, but lets Lapis pull her ahead of the group to reach the water first, “I think I’ll stay here. Guard the sand, y’know?”

“ _ Fine _ , sand guardian,” Lapis smiles understandingly and releases her hands as she reaches the water’s edge. In a flourish of excitement, she throws off the loose shawl she’s draped over her swimsuit, then plunges into the refreshing brine, ducking her head underwater and rising again with a laugh that echoes up and down the otherwise quiet beach.

“Hey, Lapis, wait for me!”

In a salt-stained blink, Amethyst and Steven have cannonballed into the water on either side of her, dragging her into the deeper waters in an impromptu race into infinity.

The afternoon is saturated with laughter and activity. Jasper has found some kind of peace in stumbling across the rockpools, prodding with curiosity at the life she finds in there, whilst Garnet methodically constructs spirals of shells and sandcastles that she insists are homes for the crabs being terrorised by the younger ones. Ruby and Sapphire have retreated under a parasol, Ruby’s head in Sapphire’s lap as the two of them monitor and relax, glad to breathe freely after the daily stress of the past few weeks.

Meanwhile, Lapis, Amethyst and Steven have finally coaxed (or perhaps peer-pressured is a better turn of phrase) Peridot into the water. She sits in the shallows, letting herself drift with the waves, but there’s a white-knuckled grip on the rocks she’s near. Still, the afternoon progresses, and she starts keeping score when the rest begin to throw a frisbee back and forth in the deeper water.

“Lapis, to me!” Amethyst hollers over the crashing of the waves as the wind picks up, “See if you can get it past Stee-man!”

“Awh, c’mon!” Steven protests, pushing himself off a rock in the water in an attempt to catch the disc as it sails overhead, buffeted by the wind in its attempts to reach Amethyst, “No fair, I’m too short!”

“Get taller, then!” Lapis calls back, eyes shining as she takes advantage of the waves to reposition herself, ready for Amethyst’s return, “Ame, quick, I’m open!”

“Gotcha!” The eldest cheers, hurling the disc into the air with little to no grace, just as Steven tackles her in an attempt to free it from her grip.

The frisbee soars into the air, suddenly caught on a freak gust of wind, and right over Lapis’ head as she follows its trajectory.

“Whoops! My bad! C’mon, Steven, your chance to grab it if you can beat Lazuli to it!”

But already, a grin has crossed Lapis’ face, and she’s pushed herself into the oncoming waves. With practised ease, she carves through the water, stroke after stroke bringing her to the frisbee as it lands on the water, floating lazily towards the pier. From the sand, Peri is suddenly standing, yelling her encouragement to her new girlfriend and cheering her on as she pushes through the ocean like she was always meant to. As the others catch wind of the sudden race, Ruby bounces up, off of her wife’s lap, and joins Peridot in the excitable cheering.

“I’m not just gonna let you win, Steven! Better catch up!”

Lapis chances looking back at her competitor, treading water for a moment to taunt him, beaming with quiet pride when she sees him making quick progress. The lessons she’s been giving him are paying off… But she’s still going to  _ win _ , of course. She ducks back under the water, easily spinning around to keep kicking towards the frisbee.

Her heart hammers in her throat, and in her ears, even the cheering is muted through her focus. It’s just her, at one with the sea that carries her towards her goal.

Then, success in her grasp, she breaks the surface of the sea, turning once more to wave the disc in the air, treading water as she cheers breathlessly.

“Told you I wouldn’t let you win, Ste!” She laughs, throwing the frisbee back in his direction as she takes a moment to regain her breath, far enough out now that she could turn around and imagine herself in the middle of the world, treading water and breathing in the salt until she can finally turn into the water she adores so deeply. It’s moments like this when she remembers just how much the ocean has supported her, through such dark times, and helped her soar in the lighter times.

And then the ocean betrays her.

In a second, her entire life is torn from underneath her feet, tumbled and tossed in a violent wave that pulls her beneath the surface, bearing down on her and dragging her into an undertow that had been the least of her concerns just a breath ago.

Instincts kick in, and she tries to break free, but to no avail. Her whole world is upside down and blue and grey and her eyes are stinging and her chest is bursting to breathe but she can’t because then she’ll drown and then-

Splitting pain, shooting through her body.

Cheers, somewhere in the distance, turning into horrified screams.

Darkness. Silence. Numbness.

And then once more, light.

* * *

The light in the swimming pool is watery. Old fluorescents that could do with changing flicker overhead, and the grimy windows don’t exactly allow for much sun to filter through. It’s cloudy outside, anyway.

Lapis is alone, again, in self-induced exile once more. She’s asked Peridot to go buy fries from the van parked up outside as she breathes in the overly sterile smell of chlorine that she’s all too used to. For the moment, there’s no one in the pool. In Peri’s haste, they arrived over an hour before the swim team was supposed to meet, and no one else is taking advantage of the pool right now. Amethyst is sitting in the bleachers, far enough away to give Lapis her space, but still keep an eye on her. After all, she’s  _ supposed _ to be responsible.

“Y’know,” the older girl speaks over the ambient sounds of water trickling and the tinny local radio, and her voice echoes into the emptiness, “You’re allowed to be angry, right. Lapis?”

The swimmer blinks away from where she’s been staring at a diving board, shifting her head to glance at Amethyst. The wheelchair is much more comfortable when it comes to the little mobility she has in her neck, supporting her as she tries to gauge what expression Amethyst is wearing.

“I’m… not angry,” she finally says, her words half breath, more than any definite tone, “I’m just…”

She pauses, looks back at the water, then carefully manoeuvres her chair. The straw mechanism is difficult, but with some practice, she’s used to it enough that she can wheel herself closer to Amethyst, who suddenly seems overtaken with curiosity.

“Then why’ve you been pushing everyone out?” She points out, reclining in the bleachers, feet propped up and gum popped into her mouth, “We only wanna help, yknow?”

“It’d be  _ fine _ ,” starts Lapis, “If you didn’t all have that dumb look of  _ pity _ in your eyes. I don’t want you all being grim, like I’ve died or something. Peri and Steven are the only two that aren’t looking at me like I’m a ghost. Even  _ you’re  _ treating me like I’m fragile. It  _ sucks _ .”

Amethyst pouts, then scoots closer to Lapis, resting a hand on her arm, biting her lip as she tries to think of what to say.

“I mean… I guess… How do you  _ want _ us to treat you?” She asks, voice soft and warm, “We can only do this if you communicate, right?  _ God _ , I sound like Sapphy. But… Eh, it’s true, right?”

“Why can’t you just treat me like normal? Be your… Usual loud self... ? I dunno… I just don’t wanna feel like I’ve caused everyone to be sad  _ all _ the time any more. It’s been over a week, and everyone’s just… Sad.”

Lapis lets out a sigh, managing a small shrug before resting her head back in her chair. Next to her, Amethyst starts thinking almost loud enough to drown out the quiet  _ slosh _ of the pool.

“Huh,” she says with finality, pushing her hair out of her face as she mulls over the young girl’s words, “So I can still razz you for bein’ all gay and mushy with Peri?”

“You- Wh-?” Lapis splutters with honest laughter that echoes through the pool, and she finds herself chortling as Amethyst grins proudly, “No, you can’t!”   
  
“Oh, okay, yeah, sure… So when I ask about the wedding, that’s not allowed?”   
  
“No!” Lapis feels her cheeks heating as she laughs, tears of joy suddenly tracking down her face, unbidden.

As laughter carries the two young women into a much more positive mood, Peridot returns triumphantly holding up a tray of fries.

“Fries obtained!” She cheers, parading herself in to settle on Lapis’ other side, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing!” Lapis protests, just as Amethyst cuts in, “Lapis  _ loooooves  _ you!”

“Oh, I know!” Peridot says, with the ease and confidence of any kid in a relationship, “Do you want some fries? I just saw the minibus pull up outside, so they’re gonna be here soon!”   
  
The three girls settle back into their seats, and Peridot takes it in turn to share the fries between the three of them, glad to carry on conversation with Amethyst whilst Lapis takes a moment to reflect. She stares out into the pool, mulling over thoughts as she thinks about what her friend has said.

_ Communication _ . Well, it was never her strong suit. She’s self-aware enough to know that. Given the choice, she’d take stewing in silence over talking things over, nine times out of ten. It was easier that way. There was no risk to it. After all, if she’d aired her grievances so outright with those she spent her childhood with… Heaven knows she might not be here today. It wasn’t that she thought Amethyst, and the others, were like them, but… Believing that your situation has truly changed is  _ hard _ . If she could just slink out of a confrontation instead, draw back into the shadows, or dip her head under the stormy tides of an argument… It was just common sense to know that that was the safer option. But now she was faced with a new change, another choice. Tell her new family what was upsetting her, or stay quiet and miserable. In her mind, the choice was like a tree, one of those logic graphs that Peridot was so fascinated with, and the greatest variable was simply  _ trust _ .

Could she trust Amethyst, Ruby, Sapphy… Could she trust them all to be so understanding? And was it worth taking the risk? It was a dive unlike any she’d taken before. And if she did take the dive, if they did try to treat her normally, what then? It wasn’t like that would have her back up on her feet, as if nothing had happened at all. Even if they were the most understanding, the sweetest and most determined to help her, she was still paralysed. Still stuck between trusting the water again, or forsaking it.

“And… Go!”

Jerked out of her sudden reverie by the piercing whistle that echoes across the pool, Lapis brings her attention back to the pool just in time to see the swim team all gathered at the edge of the pool. Some of them are simply floating in the shallow end, aided by instructors in all-too-bright swimming caps, whilst two race each other in the lanes, swimming in a way Lapis could never have made up herself.

“Oh,  _ wow! _ ” Peridot sits up now, pointing with glee as she notices a brightly decorated prosthetic leg kicking through the water with ease, “You can  _ do that _ ?”

“What…? The decorating part?” Lapis glances at Peridot, who’s watching the swimmers with the same rapt attention she remembers seeing when she’d first watched Lapis swim.

“Oh, no, I can decorate my legs however. It’s super cool, actually, I found this sticker website that makes decals for them!” Peridot answers, not taking her eyes away from the swimmers for a second, “I just didn’t know you can swim with them!”

“Hang on. Have you  _ ever _ gone swimming, Peri?” Amethyst looks away from the swimmers to glance at the youngest, who makes a face.

“I… Never really wanted to? And, y’know, not having normal legs from birth… I never found someone to teach me?” Peridot shrugs, still watching the water intently, “Not like I had the chance. Too busy going from home to home.”

She sticks her tongue out with distaste, but Lapis suddenly lights up, a smile crossing her face.

“Hey, Peri… Would you ever  _ wanna  _ learn?” Suddenly, there’d a confidence in Lapis that has been devoid for the past few days. Who needs trust in the water, if you’re teaching your girlfriend how to swim?

“I mean, it looks fun? But who’s gonna teach m-  _ Oh _ ?” Peridot finally looks away from the water to met a beaming Lapis’ face, “You?”

“If they can do it…” Lapis looks out onto the water, “I can. I’m  _ the best _ at swimming!”

“Yeah you are!” Amethyst agrees brightly, astounded as the confidence washes over her two younger companions. She knows not to waste the inspiration though--younger minds are so quickly distracted when their ideas aren’t entertained, “I could talk to some people for you two, I dunno, get you legs good for water or something, Peri?”   
  
The two girls share a grin, then look towards Amethyst with barely restrained delight. Outside the pool, the clouds start to pull away, and sunlight breaks through the windows, leaving bright ladders falling across the water.


	3. Visiting Hours

“Lapis, honey, do you want company?”   
  
She’s asked that every morning, now. It’s part of the routine at this point. Clean the kitchen, tidy away Peridot’s latest project, offer Lapis company, get rejected by Lapis, go grocery shopping.

So it throws the whole routine out of whack when the door swings open.   
  
Pearl peers into the room, and sees a serious, yet smiling, Lapis. She nods her head to her caretaker, indicating an intricate system of strings and pulleys that scream  _ Peridot was here _ .

“Morning, Pearl. Do you like what Peri hooked up? It lets me open the door by pulling a string with my mouth. Isn’t it neat?”

“O-Oh…” Pearl steps in and looks at the webs of mechanisms and weights and lets out a short laugh, “Well, it doesn’t look  _ safe _ … But if it works…! Very, ah,  _ neat _ .”   
  
She moves into the room properly, seating herself neatly on the edge of Lapis’ bed and producing a pad and paper. Remembering the meeting that the adults had just a few days ago about treating Lapis as she wanted to be treated, the first idea that had sprung to mind was paper games. Kids still enjoyed those, didn’t they? Steven seemed to, at least.

“I thought we could play hangman, or something?” She offers, her voice soft and her smile hopeful, “You can even choose which game! “

Lapis blinks.

“Hangman? I haven’t played hangman since I was, like, ten,” she laughs.

“Well, all the better! You’ve learned new words since then! Tell you what… Beat me, and I’ll let you have the last of the ice cream for pudding tonight.”

Her enthusiasm is  _ adorable _ , and Lapis can’t help but feel like she’s humouring her guardian. But maybe… Just a bit, of course… Maybe she’s interested in playing, too.

“Okay… Sure.”

The rest of the morning passes in quiet contentment, dour conversations replaced with good-natured bickering about whether ‘meepmorp’ is a word or not. Then, it’s time--as always--for Pearl to hurry off to deal with some other task in the house. Before she leaves, though, she makes a point to pull Lapis into a warm hug.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m proud of you, Lapis,” she confides into her shoulder.

And with that, she quickly withdraws, smiling gently at the young girl. Lapis pokes out her tongue, then averts her eyes as a smile reaches her face.

“Thanks, Pearl… And… Thanks for not giving up on me, either. Uh. See you later.”

“Of course…”   


Pearl makes herself scarce, letting Lapis be with her thoughts, and in a rare change of pace in recent days, those thoughts don’t flock to her like darkened clouds. Instead, she finds herself sitting with her contentment, calm enough to let her mind set adrift from time, relaxing into a peaceful doze.

* * *

“You’re up early.”

It’s a few days later when Garnet walks past, sipping a strong-smelling mug of some kind of herbal tea. Lapis has spent the time waiting to be approved for hydrotherapy much as anyone would--hanging out with her girlfriend and encouraging her to make more and more intricate devices that she can activate with a small twitch. As it is now, she can turn on the TV and control its volume all with some well-placed nudges of her head. She’s been spending the morning watching some early morning kids’ cartoon--Crying Breakfast Buddies, or something--and trying to force herself not to get too impatient for something ( _ anything _ ) to happen. It’s been a losing battle, though, and by the time Garnet passes by, she’s holding back a huff of frustration.

“Oh, hey, Garnet,” Lapis breathes out and nudges the TV on to mute, “What time is it?”

“It’s five,” Garnet answers promptly, inviting herself in to lounge across the bed as she drinks her tea, “Did I wake you?”   
  
“No, no, I’m just…  _ Here. _ ”

Lapis shrugs and smiles fondly at Garnet. She’s always a soothing presence. Something about her brings in an aura of calm when she enters a room, and it’s impossible to retain every worry in her presence. It’s a welcome reprieve, even if the frustration still lurks.

“I was going to go out and feed the strays,” Garnet says, totally unprompted, “It’s warm out, already, if you wanted to come along and get some fresh air. Not to say Crying Breakfast Friends isn’t quality programming, but…”   
  
Lapis lets out a laugh, and nods quickly, “I thought Sapphire said not to feed them any more?”   
  
“Yeah, she did,” Garnet agrees as she helps Lapis out of bed and into her chair, “But then later Mama Ruby bought me a whole ‘nother box of food. I couldn’t just let it go to waste, right?”

“Well, in that case…” Lapis laughs quietly, keenly aware of how early it is, before leading the way out of the house, towards the garden in the back.

Garnet follows, tea abandoned to cool as she takes the tins of food out from their hiding place in the garden shed.

In the slowly warming air of the morning, Garnet and Lapis take turns calling quietly to the cats that have made their home in the dense foliage around the small back garden of the Retreat. Eventually, a swarm of strays make their way out into the verdant grass, mewing hungrily as Garnet opens tin after tin for them to eat. One in particular seems to take a liking to Lapis, sniffing intently at the wheels of her chair before making to jump up onto her lap.

“Oh!” Lapis looks down at her new tabby companion with delight, amazed at how quickly it settles in her lap, purring quietly, “She’s friendly…”

“She’s never usually so sweet,” Garnet considers, “She must like you.”

The two fall into a companionable silence for a bit, content to enjoy the sounds of the cats mewing gently, and Lapis’ new friend purring like an engine. And then, as entirely unprompted as many of Garnet’s speeches, the woman begins to talk.

“You remind me of Mama Sapphy, actually,” she says, scooping up one of the cats to inspect its mangy fur.

“Huh?” Lapis looks up from where she’s been making faces at the cat on her lap, taken aback by being compared to someone as kind as Sapphire.

“Y’know, maybe you haven’t noticed, but you and her are a lot alike. She never says how much she loves you all, but you know it, right? She has a way of making you feel it, through her actions,” Garnet smiles easily, letting the stray go and sitting down on the grass next to Lapis, “You’re not one to express outwardly too much, either. But it’s always clear how you’re feeling, especially when you let it bubble up and come out--whether you like it or not… I’m not one to give advice, but when I was younger, Mama Ruby and Sapphy had some arguments. Ruby never knew how to help Sapphy out when she wasn’t feeling good, cause she never expanded on her feelings. She just let them exist, never doing anything to observe them until it was too late… But you see her now, don’t you? And how happy she is with Mama Ruby? When she started telling people about her worries, they made the weight a little more bearable. She told me how scary it was, but how worth it, too… After all, their love resulted in this place still being here today, after Rose died.”

Inside the house, the sound of the early risers is starting to draw Garnet’s attention. She finishes speaking, then strokes the cat on Lapis’ lap.

“I’m going to go and make everyone some breakfast,” she says, simple as anything, rising to her feet and leaving Lapis to contemplate her lengthy speech.

* * *

No one’s around this morning--the day before her first scheduled visit to the pool. Sapphire and Ruby have taken everyone else to school, and gone out shopping afterwards, whilst Garnet spends the day locked up in the office, in case Lapis needs her, but she’s reading through a stack of books and mentioned something about a dissertation. Meanwhile, Amethyst has been called in to help out at the Big Donut, and dragged new kid Jasper along to help out. Lapis doesn’t even  _ know _ where Pearl is. She mentioned something about meeting up with a friend, then disappeared into the day. So it’s lonely.

Still, the quiet gives Lapis free rein of the bottom floor of the house, and she’s been practising moving around with a little more fine control than she’s been working with on the chair. To her delight, over the past few weeks, some small modicum of feeling and movement has returned. It’s nothing like a miracle, but even being able to shakily move her hands is incredible. The excitement it brings her is second only to her delight when she hears the door open.

“Anyone home?” A voice echoes down the main hall as a thunk precedes Greg Universe hoisting a box inside, “No?”

“Greg!” Lapis rolls to the door, managing a small wave as she watches the adult struggle with a box bigger than his head, “What are you  _ doing _ ?”

“Oh, hey there, Lapis! Just the kid I wanted to see!” Greg peers around his box and grins at her, “Wanna help me set up a new speaker system? I found an old one in the storage unit, and I thought this place might want an upgrade!”   
  
“I.. Don’t know how much help I’ll be?” Lapis starts reluctantly, but in a flash, Garnet’s speech rings in the back of her mind, “But I can try? I was, uh, getting pretty lonely around here, y’know?”   


“Great! Where’s the rest of the house, huh?” Greg beams as he talks, and starts stumbling with the box over and through to the living room, which is surprisingly tidy--Lapis can only assume that Pearl was cleaning recently.

“They’re all busy with  _ school  _ and  _ adult stuff _ ,” Lapis bemoans, sticking out her tongue as she rolls in to follow Greg, “Garnet’s in the office, but she’s doing college stuff, too.”

“Boo, who needs  _ adult stuff _ ?!” Greg agrees vibrantly, finally letting down the box with a heavy  _ thunk,  _ “Much more fun to do this, right?” He winks at Lapis, and starts hoisting speakers and wires out from the box as he continues, “How’re you doing, anyway? I’ve not heard much about you from Steven lately?”   


Lapis makes a face as she watches Greg untangling wires, then shrugs, laughing softly, “Eh, I was kinda shutting myself off for a bit there. But, uh… Couldn’t exactly keep that up, y’know? Everyone here’s…  _ Too friendly _ .”

“You think you can hold this? I don’t wanna lose it.” Greg holds up a cord, slipping it into Lapis’ hand, where she starts focusing on pinning it to the armrest of her chair, “Now what’s  _ too _ friendly?”

“Oh, you know. They’re so patient…” The young girl grins, despite herself, and watches as Greg disappears behind the rickety TV stand to start unplugging the old speakers, “Pearl was playing hangman with me for like an hour a couple of weeks ago. Garnet let me play with the st-”

“The ‘st-’?” Greg’s voice is muffled by the cables he’s now holding in his mouth, but he peeks up, blowing some hair out of his face to look at Lapis, “I know about the cats, Lapis. I think  _ everyone _ does. Still, she let you play with them? That’s an honour!”   
  
“They were… Really soft,” Lapis admits, smiling to herself as she wheels past the TV to peer over at what Greg’s up to, “It was nice to just think about something else for a bit.”

“I bet it was. Here, I can take that cable now.”

As Greg accepts the cable from Lapis, he falls quiet, focusing on hooking up the speakers. She watches him contentedly, realising how easy it is to talk to him, especially compared to how exhausting Pearl’s company had been just a couple of weeks ago.

“Garnet actually… She said something? When we were feeding the cats,” she starts, tapping her fingers on the arm rest and looks out towards the rest of the room, so she at least doesn’t have to watch Greg’s face as she talks, “About, uh, well it was kinda confusing. I think she sort of meant, like, I should be more open? And share my problems more? Or my, uh, my emotions? I guess- I guess I’m trying that. It’s kinda weird. Makes me feel, like… Exposed. I guess. I dunno.”

She shrugs again, and moves her chair towards the window. It’s a beautiful day today. The sun is filtering through the light clouds with ease, and there’s a gentle breeze sweeping the house clean. Hopefully the weather will hold up for her swimming tomorrow. She can’t wait to feel the sun drying her chlorine soaked hair again. It’s a little luxury, and some call it gross, but if there’s anything that makes her feel like she’s had a good day swimming, it’s that.

“I don’t get how it works, but… Talking to people about stuff… It kinda makes the stuff go away? Like, I’m still scared and annoyed, but now I feel like. I guess that other people get that? This probably doesn’t make sense, I don’t know. It’s dumb.”

The silence lingers in the warm air, until it too is blown out with the breeze, and Greg looks up from the tangle of cables.

“It’s not dumb, kiddo,” he assures her, “Heck, when I’ve been down, it’s always been someone else that made sure I didn’t stay that way.”   
  
“When  _ you’ve  _ been down?” But Greg’s always so sunny! He’s the one the whole house seems to look to for joy.

“Yeah, yeah, I know… You’d never guess it, huh?” Greg winks before he delves back behind the speaker system, “But we all get down! You’ve got more reason than most, right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t push back on it, be happy with others and content in yourself, y’know? If we didn’t have cloudy days, we’d get bored of the sun, right?”

Lapis glances away from the window, a grin warming her face, “Yeah, y-yeah! You’re right!”

“I know I am!” Greg responds as he lets out a noise of success, “I think it’s working. Wanna choose something to play to test it out?”   
  
He gives the speaker a thump, and the lights suddenly burst on, much to his delight. 

“Sure!” Lapis looks over at the modest selection of CDs they’ve collected in the house, eyeing one in particular, “Uh, Peri will be home from school soon… Can we play that one in the green case? It’s kinda cheesy, but...”

“Camp Pining Hearts: The Musical?” Greg’s look of bemusement is only made better by the sudden cheer that comes down the hall from the office.

“That’s my favourite!” Garnet calls, evidently abandoning her work for the day, “Turn it up!”

“Well… If you say so!”

As the jaunty guitar twang of the first song starts to fill the room, Lapis lets out a laugh, watching Greg perform an  _ awful  _ old-man dance to it. It isn’t long before he’s drawn her into it too, though, carefully and yet rambunctiously wheeling her in circles until she’s dizzy.

In just a few minutes, the rest of the Retreat will come home to find Lapis and Garnet singing along to the tracks without a care in the world as Greg frantically improvises dance after dance for their amusement. Peridot will instantly organise the  _ correct _ choreography, whilst Steven perches on the sofa by Lapis, pulling out his ukelele to play along. Sapphire will pretend not to know the words, whilst singing them under her breath, and Ruby will pull her into a mockery of the dances. Jasper will be in her room, but her foot will tap along to the music that shakes the house. Amethyst will attempt to make dinner, but she’ll get distracted by the dancing. They’ll end up buying pizza for dinner, and collapsing in light heaps of laughter around the living room. It will be the rain of a storm that’s been threatening for the past month, the final drop of water out of a watering can, and it will be the exact breath of fresh air that Lapis needs to ignore her worries. The future will look bright, and she will not be facing it alone, or without a smile on her face.


	4. Making Waves

**To Bring**

  * Swim legs
  * Snack (healthy!!!!)
  * CPH Annual for reading
  * Recorder (in case of Interesting Circumstances)
  * Camera??
  * Change of clothes
  * Hat
  * Scarf (just in case!!)
  * Gum (Lazuli might need for being anxious!!!)
  * Towel!
  * Money
  * Bottle of water (sparkling!)
  * FLOTATION DEVICES

Peridot runs her eyes over the list five times over before she’s satisfied to shove it into her pocket and rifle through her bag, counting her inventory another five times in and out.

“Peridot, are you nearly ready?” Outside of the bedroom, Sapphire knocks patiently on the door, and Peridot jumps to attention, closing up the bag with a yelp.   


“Yup! I’ll go get Lapis!” Peridot dashes out of the room with barely a look to the head of house, who watches her go with a tired, fond smile.

“We’ll be waiting in the car, dear.”

“ _ OkayWe’llBeThereSoon _ !”

With a quick yell in her direction, Peridot scrambles down the stairs to Lapis’ new room, barely waiting for her to open the door before she bounces in and throws her arms around her girlfriend’s neck.

“You ready, Lazuli? I’ve packed us some spare snacks, and gum, and some books in case we get bored on the drive, or if we wanna take a break? And I did some research and got the  _ most _ useful flotation devices, so I’m gonna be  _ great _ at swimming!”   
  
“Hey, hey, take it easy, Peri,” Lapis laughs softly and nuzzles her head into the other’s girl’s shoulder, “You’re wearing me out just looking at you. But yeah. I think I’m ready.”

Peridot pulls back from her embrace and beams at Lapis with all the excitement of a small puppy. Lapis matches the smile easily, her hand catching the loose fabric of Peridot’s shirt in a gentle gesture.

“Hey, before we go… Uh, I just wanted to say something,” she starts, twisting the fabric between her fingers carefully.

Peridot looks down, watching as Lapis’ smile turns from excitement to something softer, calmer and more consistent, “What?”   
  
“It’s, uh, it’s nothing bad. The opposite of that, I guess?” Lapis starts, every word carefully chosen and specific, “I wanted to say thanks. Today is happening because of, well, because of you. I was pretty content to just wallow in my own misery. But you dragged me out of that, made me go to the pool… And that brought up a lot more chances for me to be happier? More content, at least. I just wanted to say thank you…  _ AndAlsoILoveYou _ .”

In an instant, Peridot’s smile reforms at double the brightness, and Lapis’ cheeks warm more than they have in years. She tries to look away, but Peridot’s a gravity she can’t resist. An uncharacteristically gentle hand on her cheek keeps the eye contact, and the smile is infectious.

“I know!” She says with ease, “It’s nice to hear it, though. I love you too, of course. That’s why I stuck by you, duh! But also, uh… Give yourself some credit, Lazuli. Sure, maybe I encouraged you, but you  _ tried _ . You’re the one who decided to go along with things I was saying, and… You’d not be here if you didn’t wanna work for this. I’m glad I got to be here for it.”

Lapis leans back into Peridot’s arms, and the comfort of her warmth is irresistible. The two of them share a look, and Peridot leans in a little closer, leaving a quick, barely-there kiss on her cheek before-

“Are you guys  _ coming _ ?!” Amethyst’s dulcet tones reach down the hall, and the two jump apart, letting out a shared laugh.

“Let’s go  _ swim _ ,” Lapis commands, gesturing forwards and letting Peridot lead the way out to the van.

* * *

Today, sunlight pours into the swimming pool like a waterfall, gushing into the darkest corners of the large, chlorine-soaked hall and filling it with an unignorable sense of hope.

Lapis finds herself at the edge of the pool, and contrary to her expectations, it doesn’t seem to stretch on forever. In actual fact, she can see the other side with ease. Her family is perched on the bleachers that side, cheering and whooping whilst an instructor rattles off an explanation of exactly what they’re going to be doing. Maybe she won’t reach that side today, but she  _ will  _ reach that side. Next to her, Peridot is sat on the edge of the pool, carefully splashing her new legs in the water and slowly getting used to how they cut through the blue with ease.

“I kinda see why you like this, Lazuli,” she comments, raising up a hand to take hers, “You ready to get in there again?”

“I mean, as I’ll ever be,” Lapis smiles, half ignoring the instructor in favour of watching Peridot find fondness in something she’s always enjoyed.

“In that case, let’s get you in the water. We’re gonna take small steps, but judging by how mobile your hands are already, this might be just what you need,” the instructor lifts Lapis into the pool chair with practised ease, and starts to lower her in.

With each moment Lapis grows closer to the water, she feels herself coming more into herself than she’s been in over a month now. As much as talking and laughing with her friends has helped, the water is as much a part of her as her heart. The warmth courses through her, and she can’t help but laugh when she feels it lapping at her fingers.

“All good?” The instructor checks in, and Lapis can only nod as the pool starts to carry her weight.

Off to the side, Peridot beams, eyes shining as she watches Lapis’ limbs loosen just enough for her to roll her shoulders, stretch out her neck. With the slight movement of her fingers, she plays with the water, flicking it around and smiling silently, until she catches sight of her girlfriend, still sat on the pool’s edge.

“Hey, you said you’d come in with me!” She accuses, now flicking some of the water towards her with a laugh, “Get in! It’s shallow here.”   
  
Shifting from side to side, Peridot makes a face, then quickly pushes herself into the water with a yelp.

“It’s so warm!” She cries out, spluttering out a mouthful of water as she bobs to the surface, her armbands keeping her afloat just above the bottom of the pool, “And it tastes  _ gross _ !”

“Isn’t it great?” Lapis laughs, watching Peridot frown like a soaked cat as she gets used to the way the water works with her new swim legs.

The shorter of the girls meets her girlfriend’s gaze, full of life and excitement and… Yeah. Yeah, this is great.

The rest of the morning passes in what feels like seconds, as Lapis works with the instructor to survey just how much the water is helping her, doing small exercises and tests to build up strength in her arms. As they work, it becomes apparent that movement hasn’t returned to legs yet--the therapists warned that movement might never come back at all, so Lapis can’t be too upset with the progress she makes in the day. After all, swimming is much of an exercise of the arms as it is of the legs. She finds herself pulling her hands through the water with an ease she’s grown unused to. It’s still hard work, and the ache that shoots through her shoulders testifies to that, but the freedom to show Peridot how to push forwards in the water is something she’d never expected when she woke up in the hospital.

Midday, and the end of her first session in the pool, come with haste, and though it’s hard to leave the water, Lapis can’t help but sigh with some level of relief when she gets a chance to rest her arms again. She settles back into her chair, towels draped across it to protect it from her dripping hair.

“I’m  _ exhausted _ ,” she sighs out contentedly, feeling the weight of her body again and making a face before she looks back to the pool. It won’t be too long before she’s carving through it again, a smile on her face and an ocean--ceaseless and powerful--in her heart.

“Me  _ too _ .” Peridot throws herself down into a creaky plastic chair next to Lapis at the rickety metal table that’s set up outside the pool, “How do you do that every day?”

She’s an absolute sight, in her Martian-print swimming costume, with neon inflatable armbands and colourful stickers on her legs, and her bright hair sticking up in every direction. She’s ridiculous. She’s amazing.

“It takes time to build up that kind of stamina,” she replies with ease, “If you keep practising with me, who knows? Maybe we’ll go to the Paralympics together.”

Peridot’s eyes light up at that, and she nods quickly, “Even if I don’t compete, you know… I’ll be cheering you on from the front row! Hey, maybe we can make it into a documentary! I found a camera in the storeroom the other day!”

“Planning honeymoon destinations?” Amethyst makes her presence known as she plonks down with a tray of chips, grinning knowingly, “The rest of the fam is on their way--Steven held them up at the truck begging for the Bits. You two doing good?”

  
“We’re  _ planning _ a Vlogumentary of Lapis’ rise to Paralympic fame,” Peridot corrects haughtily, much to Lapis’ delight, “I’m going to direct it!”   
  
Amethyst lets out a soft laugh, looking between the girls with a grin, “Y’know? I can’t wait to see it.”

“And me and Dad can write the soundtrack!” Steven calls as he approaches the small table with a tray of his prized Bits.

“And you’ll be needing a coach, too, I’d imagine,” Pearl ushers the rest of the group along, catching Lapis’ eye above the small crowd and gives her a warm, proud smile that Lapis returns with a joy and ease she’s not recognised in herself before.

Peridot quickly launches into a list of ideas for Lapis’ future in athletic fame, and Lapis finds herself more relaxed than she’s been in weeks. Listening to the enthused ramblings of her girlfriend, with the smell of chlorine and fresh chips surrounding her, a calm fills her chest, reaching out to every part of her being.

The future isn’t scary. Not when you have a family like Lapis’. Things can go wrong. Things  _ will _ go wrong. That’s as inevitable as the tide. But there will be moments of beauty and light, too, like the sunset on the ocean, the diamonds of waves cresting only to splash back down in a cacophony of power and beauty. In a year’s time, she’ll be stronger and wiser, and her family will have gone from strength to strength, too. In five years… Well, who knows where she’ll be? The ocean has never once been still--it is in a permanent state of change and flow, so why shouldn’t she be? She’ll be the wave that builds and builds and rises so high its crest touches the sky, and she won’t crash down. No, no, she’ll dance on the water, let it carry her up and up. She’ll fly.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to WombatKing for commissioning this fic! It was great fun to write, and I'm glad to have worked on it!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr, Insta and Twitter! @absdion  
Or check out my website! absdion.weebly.com


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